Jan. 20, 2016
1. 

   i need to see you.

2. 

   I'm at the coffee shop doing inventory right now. I'll be at the restaurant later this afternoon. You can meet me at either of those places or I can try to find you when I'm done for the day.

3. 

   i'll come by the coffee shop.

4. 

   Okay, see you in a few.

5. 

   okay. boston's weird this week.

6. 

   Boston is weird every week.

7. 

   this week especially.

8. 

   Did something happen?

9. 

   yeah. there's some mad woman in my head and she cut me.

10. 

    Wait. Did you say she cut you?

11. 

    yeah. on my arm. six stitches.

12. 

    What the fuck.

13. 

    do you think i'm crazy?

14. 

    No, but we need to figure out what's going on.

15. 

    how do you mean?

16. 

    Who that woman is and why she wants to hurt you.

17. 

    oh. i know who she is. she wanted to see if i'd heal.

18. 

    So who is she? And couldn't she have made a smaller cut? For fuck's sake.

19. 

    why cut at all. she's loose in the head. she's a monster hunter.

20. 

    She sounds real pleasant.

21. 

    yeah. also, she got me fired.

22. 

    Fuck, really? Goddammit.

23. 

    i guess it's okay. that was at the end anyway. he made a pass at me.

24. 

    I wish I had a fucking machine gun.

25. 

    me too, darling.

26. 

    Darling.

27. 

    yes?

28. 

    Who are you?

29. 

    who are you?

30. 

    I asked you first.

31. 

    and i asked you second.

32. 

    I'm Rhett, Ellie's brother.

33. 

    i had a brother once.

34. 

    Good for you. Either tell me who you are or let my sister have control.

35. 

    elsa bloodstone.

36. 

    Fantastic. Do me a favor and don't hurt her anymore.

37. 

    it wouldn't have run so deep if she hadn't resisted. in any case, there was a reason for it.

38. 

    I understand the reason, just don't fucking do it again.

39. 

    war is cost. i won't if i don't have to.

40. 

    You don't have to. She's not like you. You kill her and you're dead too.

41. 

    i'm an immortal.

42. 

    Good for you. She's not.

43. 

    this is almost endearing. i do have standards. i won't hurt her maliciously, but there are tests i need to run.

44. 

    Trust me, all of your tests are going to fail. She's not like you.

45. 

    she's useless at the moment. i need to figure out how to get my powers back.

46. 

    Good luck with that.

47. 

    at least she has a shotgun now.

48. 

    She's not going to know what to do with a fucking shotgun. You're going to get her arrested.

49. 

    only if the police are psychic. i'm not a fucking rookie.

50. 

    YEAH BUT SHE IS. Jesus Christ. You already got her fired from her job. Getting her arrested isn't that far fetched.

51. 

    is that how she's telling that story? interesting. i won't get arrested. have faith, young man.

52. 

    You're as pleasant as she said you were.

53. 

    i'm not here to make friends.

54. 

    Yeah, no shit. Do you even know what you're doing here?

55. 

    i have no idea, but it does beat getting chased by zombies, so i'm not complaining. much.

56. 

    Just keep in mind that she has a life. When you go away in a few days, she's going to have to live with whatever you do.

57. 

    i'm not going anywhere.

58. 

    That's what you think.

59. 

    what do you know?

60. 

    That it never lasts very long.

61. 

    that would be unfortunate.

62. 

    That's just how it goes.

63. 

    we'll see about that.

Jan. 25, 2016
1. 

   can i ask you something?

2. 

   Yeah sure.

3. 

   did we have a fight?

4. 

   Physical or...

5. 

   no, like. idk. i remember things being a little strained.

6. 

   Oh. Yeah. That's just...it happens. I'm sorry.

7. 

   you don't have to be. it's just really frustrating because i can't remember. and i love you, loml.

8. 

   I love you too. I'm a little more combative those weeks.

9. 

   do you think i was someone else?

10. 

    Yes.

11. 

    do you know who?

12. 

    Elsa Bloodstone, according to my notes?

13. 

    oh. that would explain these comic books in my living room.

14. 

    Have you read them? I love reading mine.

15. 

    not yet. i think i started before but then freya got hurt and um, i got taken somewhere.

16. 

    Where?

17. 

    i'm not sure. i wasn't allowed to look. but they drew my blood.

18. 

    Lmfao did you meet some dread doctors??

19. 

    i hope not. no, they were nice. and one of them was really hot, fml. but i don't remember why they wanted my blood.

20. 

    That's uncomfortable.

21. 

    a lot is about last week.

Jan. 29, 2016
1. 

   i had the weirdest week. how are you?

2. 

   Yeah, I can relate. Tired. I've been sort of sick.

3. 

   what's wrong?

4. 

   I don't know really. It's kind of hard to explain.

5. 

   try me.

6. 

   I've been sitting here for like, five minutes trying to figure out what words to use that makes this sound logical. I think maybe there's something wrong with my head if that makes sense. It started with a migraine and I sort of lost some time. Maybe a tumor. Which I'm kind of scared to admit. I mean everything is fine now, mostly.

7. 

   i have a pretty good idea what's going on. i don't think it's a tumor. it's something that's been happening to a lot of people for a while now.

8. 

   What do you mean?

9. 

   migraines, lost pockets of memory, stuff we do that we can't explain why later. there's something supernatural going on in boston.

10. 

    Really? I mean if that's true there needs to be some sort investigation done. I mean look at the unsafe water situation in Michigan. I mean just imagine all the fucked up side effects.

11. 

    yeaaah. shit's been going down in boston and it's like. i think the sooner we embrace the possibility that there's an explanation our current reason can't grasp, the easier it'll be to transition.

12. 

    Transition?

13. 

    what do you remember?

14. 

    Honestly? I can't separate memories from dreams. Or nightmares.

15. 

    tell me what you remember without separating them.

16. 

    How about you tell me about your week instead?

17. 

    where do i even start?

18. 

    That bad?

19. 

    i got stitches, to illustrate.

20. 

    Where? What happened? Are you okay?

21. 

    my arm. the voice in my head cut me.

22. 

    Ellie.

23. 

    i know how it sounds, but it's true.

24. 

    How's your arm now?

25. 

    healed!

26. 

    From the stitches that you got last week.

27. 

    yes. i got them taken out yesterday.

28. 

    At least you're ok.

Jan. 29, 2016
1. 

   hello, handsomest scientist in my life.

2. 

   hey, you. how's your friday?

3. 

   excellent. it started with a road trip, can't go wrong. how are you?

4. 

   so, you made it?

5. 

   isla drove. i was in charge of snacks and not getting marshmallow on her leather seats. how are you?

6. 

   not the leather seats. i'm doing okay, though.

7. 

   she said she loves the car more than any living person in her life, so naturally i wanted to destroy it.

8. 

   that's only natural, but it's probably good that you didn't.

9. 

   i reigned in my instincts. are you proud?

10. 

    i am very proud.

11. 

    i think i was here last week for some reason.

12. 

    in new york?

13. 

    yeah, but it doesn't add up. what's new? because i was with mike and in the sewers? so that part might have been a crazy dream.

14. 

    you were in the sewers, what?

15. 

    in the sewers of ny with my neighbor who shunned me.

16. 

    this just keeps getting weirder.

17. 

    lmao. i feel like i'm in the hangover 4 or whatever the number is now.

18. 

    did you lose someone?

19. 

    myself? it counts.

20. 

    oh no, we lost ellie.

21. 

    i'd say put together a rescue team, but i quite enjoy being lost.

22. 

    come back to us eventually.

Jan. 29, 2016
1. 

   hiii. omg, i'm so excited.

2. 

   You know who you remind me of? Anna from frozen. It's not even light out and I can just hear you in my head going 'the sky's awake so I'M awake!!'

3. 

   LMAO. i'm so flattered. can i marry the prince? can i, can i?

4. 

   No! He was a dick!

5. 

   just my type. when do we leave?

6. 

   you wanna go today?

7. 

   yesss.

8. 

   cool, then we'll go today!

9. 

   lmao i'm honestly so excited, you don't know. how are we getting there?

10. 

    i'll drive

11. 

    perfect. ROAD TRIP. goes through playlists.

12. 

    we're staying here by the way. i wanted to find somewhere swanky and not stuffy and this still had a bunch of rooms left so i booked one.

13. 

    

14. 

    well i'm glad you like it!

15. 

    do i have to do anything? i feel useless.

16. 

    get lots of snacks

17. 

    yesss. do you eat smores?

18. 

    yes but if you think there are going to be gooey crumbly smores in my charger, i'll stab you.

19. 

    LMAO. omg, i hadn't considered that and suddenly i NEED.

20. 

    if you get chocolate on the leather. YOU DIE.

21. 

    lmaoo. ily. only non messy snacks, got it. how much do you love your car?

22. 

    more than i love any person in my entire life. but not as much as i like my harley.

23. 

    wow. this car had better be looking over its shoulder.

New York, NY

CHANNELED MESSAGE FROM THE WHALES

We live in a deeper level of reality than most of the life forms on Earth, and we understand the larger picture. We are masters of expanded states of awareness, which include more complex dimensions beyond your own. Within these realms, we see sub-atomic particles as part of a greater whole, which is holographic and indivisible. We are involved in examining multiform pictures that we create and that are also created by you. We understand how these pictures create reality on Earth. We experience these images while awake and while in dreamtime. For us, the line between the two states is very tenuous. We reside within a peaceful, tranquil, surrealistic state.

By having our mind clear and blank, we can hear and examine messages from the greater Universe. In this way we can re-formulate, re-invent and re-create reality. This creation begins with pure Light, which vibrates like music. It has harmonics just like music and as whales we hear it singing to us. Matter dissolves into octaves of Light and it is from this Light that all is created.

Most human minds are filled with thoughts. Thinking continuously has led to confusion and blocked out the true state of bliss. We do not experience this confusion. We remain in a state of Love. In our presence, you experience that Love. It is your nature too. That is why you are drawn to us. For that reason, and also because we have a mutual purpose on Earth. We are all here as caretakers for this very special planet. You are here to preserve and work with the physical matter of this planet and to spiritualize it. We work with grid lines and meridians, with energy fields and basic spiritual energy patterns that ensure unity among all life forms.

- Whale Nation
February 2002

"Unrequited Love Poem", by Sierra DeMuldetr

You will be out with friends
when the news of her existence
will be accidentally spilled all over
your bar stool. Respond calmly
as if it was only a change in weather,
a punch line you saw coming.
After your fourth shot of cheap liquor,
leave the image of him kissing another woman
in the toilet.

In the morning, her name will be
in every headline: car crash, robbery, flood.
When he calls you, ignore the hundreds of ropes
untangling themselves in your stomach.
You are the best friend again. He invites
you over for dinner and you say yes
too easily. Remind yourself this isn’t special,
it’s only dinner, everyone has to eat.
When he greets you at the door, do not think
for one second you are the reason
he wore cologne tonight.

In his kitchen, he will hand-feed you
a piece of red pepper. His laugh
will be low and warm and it will make you
feel like candlelight. Do not think this is special.
Do not count on your fingers the number
of freckles you could kiss too easily.
Try to think of pilot lights and olive oil,
not everything you have ever loved about him,
or it will suddenly feel boiling and possible
and so close. You will find her bobby pins
laying innocently on his bathroom sink.
Her bobby pins. They look like the wiry legs
of spiders, splinters of her undressing
in his bed. Do not say anything.
Think of stealing them, wearing them
home in your hair. When he hugs you goodbye,
let him kiss you on the forehead.
Settle for target practice.

At home, you will picture her across town
pressing her fingers into his back
like wet cement. You will wonder
if she looks like you, if you are two bedrooms
in the same house. Did he fall for her features
like rearranged furniture? When he kisses her,
does she taste like new paint?

You will want to call him.
You will go as far as holding the phone
in your hand, imagine telling him
unimaginable things like you are always
ticking inside of me and I dream of you
more often than I don’t.
My body is a dead language
and you pronounce
each word perfectly.

Do not call him.
Fall asleep to the hum of the VCR.
She must make him happy.
She must be
She must be his favorite place in Minneapolis.
You are a souvenir shop, where he goes
to remember how much people miss him
when he is gone.

Jan. 20, 2016
1. 

   are you in boston, wolf?

2. 

   yup.

3. 

   i need to assess how much of my skills have crossed over.

4. 

   you ain't using a gun on me.

5. 

   not again for now. i thought hand to hand with someone who won't take it easy.

6. 

   don't come crying when your ass is bruised.

7. 

   nothing permanent. she's already whined enough about the stitches.

8. 

   when and where?

9. 

   tomorrow anytime. i don't know where, somewhere private where we don't have to stop.

10. 

    i'll have a place and send you the address.

11. 

    perfect. thank you.

12. 

    eh

13. 

    yeah, i know.

Jan. 24, 2016
14. 

    you okay?

15. 

    a little banged up, but all right. you?

16. 

    a little?

17. 

    apparently we're training hard?

18. 

    at least you realize.

19. 

    why did we do that?

20. 

    hell if i know

21. 

    let's not again.

22. 

    doesn't hurt my feelings. do it all the time.

23. 

    what?

24. 

    what?

25. 

    what happens all the time?

26. 

    people getting hurt.

27. 

    i'd like not to make a habit of it.

28. 

    you'll get better. stronger. used to it.

29. 

    i have stitches on my arm. i can barely move my wrist.

30. 

    preference would be you knowing how to take a punch. but trying to go at a guy with a metal skeleton? let's just say i'm glad to be without that.

31. 

    the metal skeleton?

32. 

    yup.

33. 

    thanks for letting me hit you then, james. didn't think to tell me before i got covered in bruises?

34. 

    doesn't matter to me. i don't end up covered up like you do. it all heals.

35. 

    so caring and sensitive. i don't think i want to train that hard ever again. i thought you'd attacked me when i woke up this morning. but then that didn't seem like a you thing.

36. 

    need a reason for that.

37. 

    to attack me?

38. 

    yup.

39. 

    never want to get on your bad side.

40. 

    shit happens.

41. 

    i don't like it. i feel crazy.

42. 

    get you a welcome kit.

43. 

    what's in it?

44. 

    a stitch yourself up packet and some duct tape.

45. 

    ugh. i actually have one of those now? for some reason.

46. 

    good.

47. 

    not so sure. i can't suture.

48. 

    it ain't hard, kid.

49. 

    i'm not a medical professional.

50. 

    neither am i. doesn't mean you don't learn.

51. 

    idk, maybe. not on yourself though, right?

52. 

    did them. tore. repeat.

53. 

    oh. a couple of mine burst. but it's healing by second intention now.

54. 

    claws. didn't always heal.

55. 

    oh no. why not?

56. 

    it doesn't come together.

57. 

    do you still get hurt?

58. 

    course.

59. 

    that sucks.

60. 

    that's life.

61. 

    there's a kinder life out there.

62. 

    never really had that. ain't looking for false hope now

63. 

    what's keeping you from it now?

64. 

    knowledge and memories.

65. 

    free yourself of the past.

66. 

    the past can be as short as last week so it doesn't work like that. save your hippie shit.

67. 

    okay.

Accommodations

Windfall villas: a haven for relaxation; beautiful, modern, yet authentically Caribbean. A place to get away from life's stressors and back to what's important; fun and wellness. Housekeeper, gardener and airport transportation included in rate.

Sometimes she felt like a self-help book, filled with pretty words and empty meanings. Her lips shaped pseudo life wisdom that she desperately clung to as the answer.

The phrases rolled over her tongue with conviction. But as she spoke of inner peace, Ellie felt turmoil. Gratitude was dulled by her inability to forgive her past—her decisions, her beliefs, the behavior patterns she still reproduced.

Learning the theory did not translate into ease of practice. On good days, she fumbled with self-worth. On bad days, there were only memories. Those were the days she recited the words she'd had parroted at her for years.

"You are worthy. You are enough. You are not a victim, not a rescuer, not a persecutor. You are who you choose to be."

Ellie wondered if it was this hard for everyone. Of course, "comparison was a trap of the ego." And there it was, a full inner dialogue with self-help quotes she wished she'd never heard.

On days like today, when reality crashed against the precarious balance of her self-esteem, Ellie focused on breathing. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, the slow count to eight as she visualized the words.

In

     ha

           le.

           Ex

     ha

le.

It didn't always work, but she went over the script until the words were imprinted behind her eyelids.

"You are worthy. You are enough. You are not a victim, not a rescuer, not a persecutor. You are who you choose to be."

When all else failed, she reminded herself that she was the only one who had to believe it for it to be true.

Jan. 21, 2016
1. 

   i'm so tired.

2. 

   like physically tired?

3. 

   and emotionally, yeah. i decided to give her a chance, but she's a fucking handful.

4. 

   rip isn't as bad as I originally thought, i guess. he doesn't like how open i am about stuff though.

5. 

   like about telling people? yeah, i keep getting berated. i'm "not supposed to have friends".

6. 

   about anything, really. if he had his way no one would ever know anything about me probably.

7. 

   i like knowing things about you.

8. 

   i like telling things! most things. i dont feel the need to hide a lot of stuff.

9. 

   what do you hide?

10. 

    not a lot! some stuff i just don't like talking about.

11. 

    like your dad and stuff?

12. 

    yeah. i mean, it's in the past so i don't see the point, really.

13. 

    do you live in the now?

14. 

    i try to! i try not to let the past dictate the present or worry about the future when you cant really tell the outcome anyway.

15. 

    i like that. i do that too. i think it's helped with what's going on, you know?

16. 

    this is a little harder to deal with but i imagine that the more it happens the easier it will get.

17. 

    can i tell you something in confidence?

18. 

    yes.

19. 

    i'm scared of what happens while elsa's in my head. she doesn't understand that my body is mortal.

20. 

    harry - er, ray - found his belt and she found her house - maybe that means other stuff will show? healing or whatever she expected you to do.

21. 

    maybe. logan said it's easier for it to come back once both of us embrace that this is real.

22. 

    who is logan?

23. 

    oh. my friend. he's been shifting for a while.

24. 

    and it seems like he knows what he is talking about?

25. 

    he's got all his powers and memories back, so i'm thinking so.

26. 

    huh. harry said maybe it would help to start accepting and to give in. maybe that is why he got something back and i didn't.

27. 

    that's interesting. maybe. i've decided to try to accept it, but elsa doesn't care to give it a chance.

28. 

    what other choice is there? i can't just keep having headaches.

29. 

    no, i don't like those. and i don't like you having them, either. i thought maybe you and i could pay a trip to a comic book store tomorrow. read about ourselves?

30. 

    oh, that could be useful.

31. 

    i thought it might help with anxiety. let's pick them up, i'll make hot cocoa and we can take it easy for one fucking day this week. i'm so tired.

32. 

    that sounds like the perfect day. this whole mess is so exhausting it seems like.

33. 

    it is. i'm tired of fighting with elsa.